Some Thoughts on "Unequal Childhoods"

As I was reading the last few vignettes of the students in the author’s study, a few thoughts came to mind. As teachers and educational administrators, we send a mixed message to the parents. On the one hand we want them to be involved, active participants in their child’s education. But on the other hand we want them to defer to the wisdom of educators. “Parent participation” is like a slogan on a bumper sticker – everyone believes in it because it’s the right thing to do. We absolutely want the parents at our parent-teacher conferences, our special programs, our trips, and actively involved in the PTA. We want their assistance in the classroom, their follow-up at home to our specific requests and concerns regarding their child. What we don’t want is for them to cross the line and intervene. Remember that old saying, “Children should be seen and not heard”? Well, that’s almost the position we take with parents. As the author states, in a perfect world the parent is energetic and takes a leadership role in monitoring his/her child, but stops considerably short of intervention.

I have to admit, that would be my perfect scenario, too. That’s my favorite kind of parent, the one who is easy to reach out to, responds to calls and emails, monitors his/her child’s progress, takes well to our recommendations and basically doesn’t meddle farther than that. They are the easiest parent to work with. The underlying premise, of course, is that the school system is doing the right thing by this child to begin with.

However, in reality, we are empowering both students and parents in the educational system. And that’s a good thing. The educational system fosters concerted cultivation. We are reasoning with the students, explaining the whys and the hows, not just feeding them information for digestion and regurgitation. We encourage our classified students with disabilities to be advocates for themselves at the high school level, and get involved in the planning of their school career, job training, and their adult life. And we encourage our parents to be actively involved in their children’s academic careers. In my district, and in many others, parents are offered “transparency” – an online look at up-to-date grades their children have earned so far on quizzes, tests, projects, homework, etc. All these things are good. But we want students and their parents to advocate on their behalf only so far, before stopping short of the point of no return.

There is a fine line between a helpful, concerned parent and a helicopter parent who constantly flies overhead, constantly dipping into the educational scene to intervene on behalf of his/her child. Sometimes the empowered parent makes a situation far worse than it needs to be, and at the same time creates a helpless child who cannot advocate for himself. Scenarios laid out by the author remind me of a few of my own personal experiences with parents. We call those parents “well-meaning but misguided.” That’s actually a polite way of putting how we really feel at times.

Connected to this empowerment of parents and students through concerted cultivation is the notion of “code switching.” I think this is related to the difficulties we often have in dealing with well-meaning parents who give directives to their children that are at odds with the school’s rules and culture. Often parents, under stress to help their kids get through difficult situations, direct them to do something that is against the school’s rules, such as standing up for one’s self by hitting another. We all – parents, teachers, students and administrators - need a lesson in code switching, navigating the varying discourses of one’s life, from home to work to school. This is a tremendous life lesson we can help our students learn, one of the most important skills they need to acquire to survive and thrive in the world. Our parents need to understand that the culture of their home may be very different than the culture of school. As teachers and administrators we have to have understanding of the cultural practices of our student’s home lives.

It’s all about creating a peaceful, respectful environment in which we all feel empowered yet connected to each other. In that perfect world, I guess we are just looking for good judgment and reason to take hold before insanity prevails, as well as a faith in the school system to do the right thing.